Discerning Vocation at Yale: A Seminary Student's Essay

In this post in my series “God and Man at Yale Divinity,” I discuss my thirteenth week at Yale and the process of discerning vocation.

The semester is drawing to a close—my first week back after Thanksgiving break was brief. Tuesday ended regular classes, Wednesday made up the Labor Day holiday, and Thursday began the reading period before finals.

This week’s highlight was the Anglican Colloquium’s vocational discernment exercise. Otherwise, I was managing final details and semester preparations.

Looking back, I’m incredibly grateful to be here. Despite wanting to finish finals and enjoy Christmas break, I’m already looking forward to the new semester.

Final Class Meetings

Monday brought our final Early Christianity class—a review session. We finished New Testament lectures that day, with section groups meeting Wednesday for exam prep.

The Anglican Colloquium met twice: Monday as usual, and Wednesday as a makeup for the Labor Day holiday.

New England Snow

Our first snow arrived over the weekend but melted before Monday’s classes. It returned that night—I wasn’t confident I’d make it to campus.

I’ve been eager to experience a New England winter—rare in all my previous homes. I wanted that full, stereotypical northern winter at least once.

After driving into class on snow, though, I started wishing I lived closer. Without a family, I would have chosen the Divinity School apartments.

Tuesday’s Greek review was canceled. I didn’t see the message until I reached campus.  

The drive had been harrowing, especially one hill where I thought my car would slide backward.

Rather than return home, I stayed and studied in the library for a couple of hours. The drive back was much easier after the sun and road crews had cleared the roads.

Finally Finishing Papers

I’ve completed all three papers after roughly forty hours each. My Early Christianity and New Testament papers were submitted Monday and Wednesday. The World Christianity paper is done but needs a Writing Center consultation before final submission.

Preparing for Finals

I have three finals this semester—New Testament, Greek, and Early Christianity. World Christianity is graded on papers and participation. I’m hoping my grades demonstrate that a top-tiered Ph.D. program is realistic.

My studying is clearest for New Testament and Early Christianity. Greek will require drilling vocabulary and paradigms. When I finish my last final, I’ll finally be ready for the break.

Anticipating the Break

This has been a demanding semester—the most time-consuming program I’ve experienced, even more than law school. I also officiated youth football and taught an online course at the University of Arkansas. Between work and school, I barely had time for anything else.

Still, I’ve loved it. I’m ready for a break, but I’m already looking forward to January.

The Anglican Colloquium

As I mentioned above, the Anglican Colloquium met twice this week. For our final assignment, we had to write a vocational discernment essay. So, the last three meetings of the course involved each of us discussing our essays with the rest of the class.

Discerning Vocation with Classmates

Each essay described where we’re discerning our path after Yale. We spent the session discussing each person’s essay and offering feedback.

I don’t intend to continue in the program—my vocational discernment now involves exploring the Roman Catholic Church. (For newcomers, the BTFO orientation guide provides essential context.) But I’ll miss the people here.

The homilies during morning prayer sometimes ventured far afield, politically and otherwise. The people, though, have been extraordinary—remarkably kind, the kind of people you want serving in a church. I’m grateful for knowing them and will miss these regular interactions.

Discerning Vocation Together

I’ve struggled with discerning vocation most of my life. My failures have hindered my attempts to do right and live pleasing to the Father. I often grow discouraged, wondering if I’ll ever get it right.

Below is my vocational discernment essay, reflecting where I am now.

Discerning Vocation

I’ve wandered through my professional and vocational life for many years. I began college intending to become a Southern Baptist minister, but shifted to law school in my senior year.

After law school, I moved through various roles in northwest Arkansas: real estate at Walmart headquarters, a local law firm, and as a prosecuting attorney. I also served part-time as a JAG officer in the Army National Guard.

Joining the Air Force

In 2015, I decided to return to that trajectory. But seminary with a family seemed financially impossible. So I went active duty Air Force—I’d always wanted to, and it would qualify me for the GI Bill.

Yet military service diminished my desire for ordained ministry.

My experiences left deep emotional scars. Witnessing child sexual abuse and hearing assault victims describe forcible sodomy became daily reality.

If the Lord detests both acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent (Prov. 17:15), I spent four years in a world epitomizing divine disdain.

Changing Denominations

Second, I lack denominational loyalty. Though I consider myself Anglican, I’ve bounced through Southern Baptist, nondenominational, and Methodist churches.

This troubles me—constant moving has reduced my faith to individualized self-help spirituality, disconnected from corporate witness.

I’m intellectually inclined toward atheism, so I must actively choose to believe. Without strong community and tradition, that choice gets harder.

Discerning Vocation in the Catholic Church

Finding my place is difficult. Though most would dispute it, I still call myself evangelical. Yet I deeply value tradition as a means beyond the limited perspective of self, culture, and generation. Evangelicalism pushes me out while progressivism repels me.

Rekindling ordained ministry feels impossible, though I return to the thought often.

I grew up in foster care and’ve spent years fighting for victims’ justice. Ministry’s promise—serving and helping others—remains compelling.

I’ve begun joining the Roman Catholic Church. I expect to follow through, which, with my wife and children, requires completely rethinking ecclesiastical service for me.

Discerning Vocation and Ph.D. Aspirations

I love Scripture and want to pursue a Ph.D. in biblical studies. I hope the next three years sharpen my interests while helping discern where I belong.

After years of confusion, I’ve learned to live with uncertainty—naively trusting that sustained effort will reveal my path. I hope Yale helps, and that I can help others on their journeys.

A Fitting End

This vocational exercise was a fitting capstone to a transformative semester. I’ve loved my time here and look forward to the next two-and-a-half years of growth.

When I look back, I see failures and regrets. I hope this season helps me, in repentance, become the man God intends.

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